It's beginning to look alot like Christmas

      This past week we travelled to Memphis and visited family and exchanged presents.  I came home to a Christmas party at work.  Today at church we had a wonderful sunday school and celebrated the last sunday of advent with the children's pagent.  After church, I baked cookies and listened to Christmas music.  Our tree is up and decorated.  Tommorrow I'm visiting my old workplace to bring them some Christmas cheer.  I just feel great, even though I'm not completely done with the shopping.  I think church, visiting with family and friends and the music are my favorite parts of Christmas. 

Bread making

  I remember trying to make bread in my 20's.  I guess I had some successes.  As a young mother I was given a sourdough bread starter.  I made bread with this for years.  It made wonderful bread and cinnamon rolls.  The problem was the recipe called for lots of sugar and oil.  I'd let the starter die for my own health benefit.  The bread was so good, but so not good for me.  For the last several years, I've been making bread with the same sourdough starter but somewhat modified.  I cut the oil way back and left out the sugar.  Then I started adding whole wheat flour.  Everything I did was just trial and error.  I found I couldn't use all whole wheat flour because it wouldn't rise well enough.  So my most recent challenge has been getting all whole wheat flour to work.  I happened to use freshly ground wheat flour from the health food store and it rose wonderfully.  So I took a bread making class and learned more about wheat mills and baking with freshly ground whole wheat flour. So I am currently shopping for a wheat mill. I've ordered some hard red and white wheat berries.   I love working with dough and baking. I have plans to branch out into crackers and rolls.   I've also made beer which some people call liquid bread. The whole science of nutrition is interesting to me but I'm really a baker at heart.  Bread and dough is this living thing that requires attention and responds differently each time you bake.  Oh and the smell is just wonderful when it bakes.

Waterfalls

     This past weekend we went to Cumberland Falls State Park near Corbin KY.  We got to see the moonbow which is the only one of it's kind in this hemisphere.  I planned the trip when there would be a full moon, so we'd at least have a chance to see it.  It doesn't appear if it's cloudy or the conditions aren't just right.  We got there thursday night and had a beautiful full moon and got to see it.  The falls impressed me more than the moonbow, but oh well.  The moonbow has no colors in it.  It's just a band of white light at the bottom of the falls.  It got brighter as the moon rose higher.  You would have to be a professional photographer to capture it.  

        The area though was beautiful.  We got to see three different waterfalls.  There was beautiful land we hiked through.  It just renewed my spirit.  Something about sitting in the presence of a waterfall makes me feel as though I'm in the presence of the divine.  It's such a peaceful feeling.

azaelas

      We have lived in our house over 15 years now.  The front landscaping was a hodge podge of shrubs when we moved here.  At some point I decieded I'd like to grow white azaelas as a nice backdrop for other flowers-and I love azaelas.  There were several in various colors already growing here.  So over the years, I'd plant a few and most of them died.  I was attempting the one bush at a time landscape plan.  After years of this I stopped and took notice of all my failures.  This fall I took a soil sample to the extension agent and told him what I wanted to do.  I also consulted with a landscaper about an overall plan.  I read several books about growing azaelas.  Then I used the tiller and ammended the soil.  I purchased 4 large white azaelas.  Then I added soaker hoses and an automatic watering system.  I also added lots of pine needle mulch.  At this point I am 100% committed.  Time will tell if I'm successful but I know I'm at least doing all I can.  I'm also going to add frequent attention. 

Fall and Halloween

         This week we have watched the leaves start to fall in the front yard.  There's been a huge harvest moon.  This really is my favorite time of year.  Fall is more colorful than spring and it signals the start of winter and the rest season.  Most of the work has been done and the harvest is in or close to being in.  Spring and summer are so labor intensive that I look forward to a break. Fall is the time that you put plants to bed for the winter.   I love the cooler nights and the colors of fall.  Pumpkins, apples and hearty soups are some of my favorite foods.
      Then there's the most fascinating holiday- Halloween.  Who is not intrigued or scared some by the thought of death?  I reverence those that have gone before me.  I want to remember them and celebrate their lives.  Catholics know this really is the origin of Halloween.  Cemetaries should be special places.  They fascinate me.  Death and what lies beyond really is the big mystery, isn't it?  (Maybe the existence of alien life forms is the number 1 mystery according to Hollywood?)  Death is something that we all are touched by eventually.  It's the mystery we all have to come to grips with ourselves.  I feel that Halloween in some small part helps us to do this. 

Fear

   Recently I've been thinking about fear.  It can be a huge hindrance.  My oldest daughter recently spent two months overseas.  I kept having nightmares about obstacles she could face.  I admired her gumption to go but several people commented that they could never do such a thing.  It seems that our fears get larger as we get older, so maybe we had best have our adventures when we're young.
   Everyone in my family has a fear of the water.  None of us can swim.  I have found out that my dad nearly drowned as a young man and told my mother not to take us near the water.  So we all have this fear of the water, due to a lack of exposure I guess.  And from someone who has had swimming lessons, it can be a strong fear.  We can inherit fears from our parents in this way.  Parents can also help you face and overcome your fears.  It's hard as a parent to watch your children do things that scare you, but it can be done. 
   In healthcare, I see alot of anxiety.  It can be debiliatating.  We frequently make our own cages and limit ourselves.  I  wonder what I could accomplish if I didn't let fear get in my way.  And heaven help me from passing on my fears to my children.   We all need to just go boldly out into the world trusting in the goodness that is all around us.

The book Club and the library

  Years ago I tried to get a book club going with my friends.  The plan was to rotate houses,  hosting, and picking the book and leading the discussion.  It lasted for a few months before it became too big of a struggle. I guess I was asking alot.  I gave up the struggle and shortly afterwards joined the bookclub at the local library.  This was with a group of strangers and without great refreshments.  Years later I'm still going to this bookclub.  We have all gotten to know each other and people havve come and gone.  A few of us have remained faithful through the years.  We've had two different librarians as leaders and are lucky with the current leader.  We have read some great books and have had great discussions that have enlightened me.  I've been introduced to Wendell Berry, David Baldacci and Ken Follet during this past year.  I have gone on to read other books by these authors.  The bookclub has taken my appreciation of reading to a whole new level.
    Our library was one of the first places I explored when we moved here. The kids were small, it was summer and so we went to the reading program.  I still remember the storyteller from the boyscout museum that first summer.  I grew up making a weekly trip to the library so I continued that here.  We have always loved the library.   Last night I went to a book sale at the library.  It's done once a year as a fundraiser.  The books were stacked everywhere.  I purchased two big bags of treasures.  I'll take them a box or two during the year, of books that we no longer need. It's a great recycling program.  I am a friend of the library.  I couln't imagine being anything less.

The Birthday weekend and the Memphis kitten

    About a month ago, I felt terrible about the Memphis kitten that I lost at Uncle Dayton's house.  Well last weekend we brought him home.  Anthony's aunt and uncle made friends with him and fed  him for us, so when we went through Memphis to my Aunt's birthday we stopped and picked him up.  We named him SammieDay after the aunt and uncle that took care of him.  He's a boy and seems to be adjusting to life in the house right now.   It's nice to have a new family member and he is my Memphis cat.    

    The weekend we picked him up we went to my aunt's 100 birthday party in West, MS.  It was also my 49th birthday.  My mother turned 95 the next day.  It was a great weekend celebration.   I am so lucky to still have my mama and my aunt.  They both can still walk and can carry on a conversation.   Neither of them are in nursing homes. They have great memories that I enjoy listening to.   The weekend was a little family reunion too with most of us there and also my nephew who has been in the virgin islands for awhile and  has been missed.  I couldn't imagine any better way to spend my 49th birthday. 

                             

Lily and the chickens

    Instead of the watered garden, right now we have the weedy garden.  After a certain point you just give up and the weeds happily take over everything.  This year our main crop has been and will be gourds.  Mayfield has a gourd festival in September so it's appropriate.  I'm not the crafty type so I don't know what we'll do with them all.  They are making a good shade canopy over the chicken pen right now.  Yes and then there's the chickens.  Unfortunately my beloved dog is a chicken killer.  I can't understand it since she is just so sweet.  Lily chased them for quite awhile before she ever caught one.  She did it mortal damage and has been lethally after them ever since.  We like to let the chickens free range a little in the evenings so we have been putting Lily in the dog pen.  We feel sorry for her so I bought her an expensive comfortable muzzle.  She was able to kill a chicken with just her big paws.  So she's back in the pen in the evenings.  I wish I knew a solution to this.  
      

Memphis kitten

  We have two large dogs, numerous cats and almost 50 chickens.  I also love to feed the hummingbirds and songbirds. I think we take good care of our animals.   This weekend we went to Memphis to see my mama.  She has various feral cats around her house that she feeds.  There is a mama cat with 3 gray kittens and the kittens were weaned and easy to catch, but not exactly tame.  I wanted to give one a better life with us and to have a Memphis cat.  Well we caught one and placed it in a cardboard box.  We then went to a family gathering at my husband's uncle's house in another part of Memphis.  My family brought the cat into a shaded breezeway and placed a firepit grate over the top of the box so it could get air.  It was quite a hot day.  We gave him water and checked on the kitten frequently.  Well at some point the kitten made an escape.  The whole family came out and looked for the kitten but if anything we probably ran it farther away.  We never saw it again and I just feel terrible.  I really wanted to help out the little thing and all I did was take it away from everything familiar and it's family.  It's in a much worse situation now.  The whole thing just gives me an uneasy feeling.  You can have good intentions and think you are doing the right thing and it just go terribly wrong.  We should have recognized that the grate was a little bit short and it could be moved.  Why didn't we see these things as possibilities and do something else?  The whole situation didn't go as I planned and that gives me a bad feeling.  Anything can turn out like that.  And sometimes the consequences could be so much worse or even tragic.  This whole condition of being human and in this world can be kind of dicey and unpredictable.  I want to think we have control over things, but we don't always.  It all just makes me uneasy. (I'm seeing this over and over again in the ER)    I guess for the most part, I'm over the whole thing.  I hope the kitten survives. The uncle said he'd call us if the kitten shows up.

Iron Mom

     On saturday I ran/walked the iron mon half marathon in Paducah.  It was scheduled for mother's day but I had to work that day so I knew I couldn't do it.  Well the floods came and the date got changed to father's day weekend. So then I could actually participate.  I signed up a little reluctantly.   It was the first annual race and benefitted Lourdes hospital family services.  I had to work for 12 hrs the afternoon of the race.  I've been exercising and trying to stay in shape but I'm really not much of a runner.  I'm more of a slow jogger or a fast walker. A 4 mile race stretches me.   My plan was just to finish as quickly as possible.  First I planned on getting at least 15 minute miles and then I thought I might be able to finish it in 3 hrs.  Well it was an overcast looking like rain day- perfect weather.  I ran the first couple of miles and then ran/walked the rest of it.  I got in under 3 hrs and lived through it. I also finished before the heavy rains came.  I can't say I didn't suffer though.  Lots of soreness and blisters.  I lived through my shift at work afterwards too.  Thank goodness for advil and bandaides.  I'm proud of myself.  Think I may do it again in Dec for St Judes's in Memphis.

     Yesterday I went back to see everyone at my old job.  It really is bittersweet because I miss them all.  I really tried to get all the details and technical information before I changed jobs but I'm still finding out important information.  I hate that.  It's such that no one gives you information unless you ask a very pointed question.  It shouldn't be like that, but often times it is.  My gripe is not with the people I'm working with or the job itself, my gripe is with the contracting company that pays us. Not giving information can be just as deceitful as lying in my book. I'm just trusting that it will be okay, but if I had known then what I know now..........

Chicken killing

    Well last week, at my daughter's encouraging we slaughtered 5 chickens.  It wasn't as terrible as I had imagined.  I guess me and my husband make a good pair because he took care of the killing (which I couldn't) and I took care of the gutting (which he couldn't).  We also had excellent help from Sophie's boyfriend and his brother and Sophie.  It took us several hours though to get 5 chickens ready to cook- and that's with 5 of us working.  I bet they have a more efficient production process across the highway at Tyson Foods.  I was glad to get the whole thing behind us and to figure out we could do it.  I think our whole process will improve the next time.
   Right now I have old chickens, teenagers and babies.  We have 18 straight run, rhode island reds.  That means half of them could be roosters so I see a need for another slaughter in our future.  My mother could kill chickens and grew up when you went out and did this before the chicken dinner.  Hunters do this all the time too.  I feel like some part of me though has to toughen up.  I don't like the killing and would really have to be tough to do that.  I don't want that part to make me less compassionate for suffering.

Adjusting

   I have been at the new job for a month and a half now.  I'm gradually settling in.  I work 2-3,  12 hour days and then am off for 2-3 days. I've been able to get my exercising in and was and am off for Sophia's and my neice's graduation.  I've gotten a paycheck.  I think it'll all be okay.  I do miss GI though.
    Soon my husband will be retiring from his full time job.  He'll be farming and doing some consulting work.  He has worked full time since he graduated from college.  While he did that, I spent time at home with the kids and in school. I'm glad he'll be able to spend some time doing what he wants to do now.  I keep fantasizing about all the work he will be able to do here at home.  That's probably just fantasy though.  So more changes are coming.  More adjusting to be done I'm sure.
    I recieved 25 barred rock pullets in the mail two weeks ago.  They are in a cage in the garage now and everyday they get a little bigger.  It's like they grow right before your eyes.  I still have about 18 sex linked red hens and rooster Tom.  They are 2 years old and are about at the retirement age for chickens.  At one point they stopped laying but have now picked it up again.  We need to slaughter these chickens as a part of good flock management.  They are not pets and we have talked about doing this.  I can't imagine that they will taste very good though and I dread the whole thing.  We'll get to see what we are made of- as chicken farmers.  These adjustment points in life are uncomfortable.

New Job

   Since getting back from our anniversary trip, I started a new job.  I was not unhappy in my old job.  In fact I liked it quite a bit, so it was a hard decision to change.  I gave it alot of thought.  My new job is about 180 degrees different than my old job.  The patients are all different, the schedule is different, just about everything is different.  I feel a bit unsettled.  Also I'm learning alot.  It's hard to be new and trying to figure your way around.  It takes awhile to feel confident in your decisions.  Next week I'm going to the KY nurse practitioner conference and hope to get some good information to take back to my new job.  I look forward to learning opportunities.

Anniversary Trip

  This is a hard discipline to be faithful to.  I took a vacation and started a new job and haven't blogged about any of it.  I guess I'll start with our 25th anniversary and our vacation.  Back at Christmas my husband gave me this really strange present of a trip from Minnesota to New Orleans on the train.  We had some words over the whole thing.  This was to occur in one week and the thought of riding a train for a week did not appeal to me.  The whole thing put a damper on our Christmas and I get mad whenever I think about him giving me a trip on our anniversary as a Christmas gift.  He had good intentions but was misguided.  The Minnesota part was so that I could see The Prarie Home Companion, which I have listened to since I was 20.  Well as I later found out, the Prarie home Companion was going to be at Nashville at the Ryman on March 26th our anniversary.  The New Orleans part was so he could go to the WWII museum there.  So as it worked out, we went to Nashville and then down to New Orleans.  We had a wonderful time both places so maybe I can forget the whole Christmas present debacle.  We stayed at a great bed and breakfast in New Orleans which I'd recommend to anyone.  Look up The Green House Inn on Magazine street. (I need to learn how to add links here)   Garrison Keilor was great at the Ryman and friends were in Nashville at the same time so we got to spend some time with Cathy and Baker too.  I loved the city of New Orleans.  We enjoyed great drinks, food and shopping.  I love all the history there and I even enjoyed the WWII museum.  On the way home we went by my sisters, my aunt's and my mom's house.  It was great trip and we had a wonderful 25th anniversary celebration.  It was good to get away by ourselves.
   

Japan earthquake

  My heart goes out to all the Japanese people.  Living on the new madrid fault, I give some thought to earthquakes.  The ice storm two years ago, also gave me so idea of what it's like without electricity for a short amount of time.  I can't imagine what it's like to add a tsumani and nuclear meltdown.  My heart just goes out to people that have lost loved ones.  Loss of property can be unsettling.  It can take a long time to find normalacy again.
   My daughter's boyfriend has been in Japan since last fall.  We've been worried about him first because of the earthquake and now because of the nuclear reactors.  He is there helping out on a farm that teaches community leaders about sustainable agriculture.  I  think that mission would take a back seat to other work that would need to be done, but I don't know.  It's possible he could be come home early.  We just pray for his safety whatever happens.  And we send our thoughts and prayers to all the people in Japan.

Stuff continued

   My last post was posted actually before I finished it because I was trying to edit it.  So I thought I'd go ahead and finish those previous thoughts.
  Stuff- it just seems to take over.  After you're married with kids it's no longer just your stuff, it's also your husbands and kids.  It really seems to pile up.  Even if you want to get rid of things, it's really no longer in your control.  And often that's the big issue in all of this -control. 
   I regularly donate to Angel's Attic, the library and the recycling center.  I love to reuse or re purpose items.  I shop stores or go to auctions where I can buy used items frequently.  My mother taught us not to be wasteful, if she taught us anything.  My parents frequently moved and so they did not accumulate a huge collection.  I believe in thrift and making use of what you have.  I also believe if I own something it should be used and not saved for Sunday or a special occasion.  I love usefulness in an item.  That to me is what beauty is all about.
   So I am going to keep refining my methods and regularly donating and looking for homes for things that we need to get rid of.  Now if I could just convince my husband to do the same.

I've been thinking about stuff lately.  I have been watching American Pickers.  I love old things so I like the show.  Sometimes though stuff seems like it takes over.  You spend so much time taking care of it all and acquiring it.  It makes me tired just thinking about it.  On the show you see these people with huge barns, outbuildings and basements, full of all kinds of stuff.  It's great when they find treasures among all the junk. It's even fun to look through it all.   Some people are really attached to their stuff and have problems parting with anything.  We have a barn and a garage both containing alot of things and we have only lived here 16 years.  I think I can get rid of things but I do understand  emotional attachments.  I have trouble getting rid of any handmade gifts. 

Public TV and radio

         I was just thinking over the weekend how much my weekends are enhanced by public broadcasting.  I love Car Talk and The Prarie Home Companion.  My husband loves Red Green and I like Kentucky Afield.  Weekends are almost defined for me by public broadcasts.  When I listen to NPR, I learn things that are applicable to my work and the world around me.  My kids grew up with Seasame Street, Reading Rainbow, Arthur, Wishbone and Clifford. 
    I know that funding of public radio and TV is on the chopping block right now.  I'm not sure if our tax money should go to support these broadcasts, but I know my life has been enhanced by them.  (Yes I am a financial supporter and I did contact my representatives about my wishes)  It's all a matter of budgetary choices and I'm not privy to the whole picture.
     On the other hand I'm planning on getting rid of my direct TV.  It costs almost 40$ a month for the basic package and I don't believe it's worth it.  Mainly I watch the large networks and I can get those for free.  Other shows can be watched on DVD's.  I try to relegate TV to a small part of my life anyway.  I know that I'm probably in the minority in my choices though.

New Technology

   Yesterday I went into the AT&T store and bought a new iphone.  I did this even though my blackberry works just fine.  That really goes against everything I believe in.  (Waste not, want not, use it till it wears out)  It's the way though now with new technology.  My two year contract is up, so I qualify for a new phone.  They had good deals on the iphone 3 too.  I'll be starting a new job and I need to be able to acess information easily.  My old palm wouldn't update anymore, so I was sucked in.  I put it off too, because I hate the learning curve involved with any new technology.  But I work with a great group of people and I know they will help me to learn what I need to.  And my daughters should be able to help too.  So I got an iphone 4 yesterday (the 3 did not have enough memory for my needed apps)  I'm a bit awed by the thing.  It can do alot of things.  I just hope I can get it to do what I want it to.  I hope my thought processes follow those of the apple engineers.  Sometimes I feel like an old dog trying to learn new tricks.

Wintertime

 I some ways I like winter.  I think of it as a nice break from outside work.  We have a puzzle we're working on and since it's dark when you get home from work your time outside is almost nonexistant.  The snow and fireplace makes the house cozy.  I  love to watch the birds at the feeders when I can.  I also can use my time inside to go through things, to clean and organize.

   But on the other hand I'm missing my outside time.  Mostly I miss the sun.  The days lately have been cold and overcast and depressing.  I long for a 50 degree sunshiny day when I'm off and can be outside.  I am slowly getting ready to welcome spring when it gets here.

Water

"The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your soul in drought, and strengthen your bones: You shall be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail."  NKJV
    This is what I had in mind when I chose this title.  It calls to mind a lush, verdant garden in the springtime when everything is growing. I also think of all the bounty that a watered garden produces.  I have noticed such a difference in our garden produce when we water the garden.  It's larger, healthy and more abundant. 
    This is kind of ironic because I'm actively trying to drink more water.  It's hard to do because I don't like it too much.  Diet coke is more to my liking.  I know my body will function better though if I'm at least adequately hydrated.  If I can just make it a habit.
   

Getting Started

         I have kept a diary on and off for years.  Mainly this served as a place to record and vent.  As I look back on it, I am somewhat embarrassed by it.  I'd hate for just anybody to read them and have even thought about destroying them.  Which is a dilemma in itself.  So with that in mind I'm starting this blog for all to read.  I plan it to be a place to record thoughts and feelings and hopefully for me to gain some insight.  I am calling it a watered garden because that's how I want my life to be.  I'd like my life to bear fruit (and maybe some vegetables too).
         So to give background, I am a 48 year old female, married with two daughters living in Mayfield KY.  My husband and I have a 30 acre farm.  I have chickens, flowers and two dogs.  I would love to make our farm productive, in some sense of the word, but that is a work in progress.  I work as a nurse practitioner and my husband is an engineer.  We have two daughters that are adults, still in school that live close by. 
          I love to read and am a member of the local book club.  We also like to camp in our camper  I belong to a CSA and my husband grows our vegetables too.  I have made beer and worked at a winery at one time.  I like to cook and to cook healthy. (Which is not always easy. Cooking is easy, but healthy good cooking takes much more skill) I like most all things local and handmade.  Since moving to KY in 1995,  I have found I like basketball and bluegrass music.  I haven't  developed a taste for horse racing or bourbon as of yet.  I grew up in Memphis, TN in the suburbs. My mom still lives there. 
      Well enough about me.